Today we celebrated William and Noah's birthday. One year since we became parents for the first time, and held our sons for the last time. This year has been a hard one, one that we never imagined we would be living. There are so many things we have missed. Watching them grow, hearing them laugh, having their fingers wrapped around ours. Being able to cuddle them.
We only had a few hours with William and Noah. Not the lifetime that we had hoped for. The brief moments we did share are now treasured memories. I'll never forget the day we saw two babies on that first ultrasound instead of one. How surprised and excited we were to discover we'd be welcoming twins into the world. I'll never forget holding them in my arms, looking down at the faces of my babies. My little boys. My children. Their tiny fingers and toes so perfect. These are the moments I carry with me as we continue our lives without our precious boys with us.
Happy birthday William and Noah. We love you, we miss you, and it still hurts. Every day. Always.
- - -
Small said "But what about when we are dead and gone,
will you love me then, does love go on?"
Large held Small snug as they looked out at the night
at the moon in the dark and the stars shining bright.
"Small, look at the stars - how they shine and glow,
but some of the stars died a long time ago.
Still they shine in the evening skies,
Love, like starlight, never dies...."
- - -
(extract from No Matter What by Debi Gilori)